a dream is an answer to a question you haven’t asked..

I’ve somewhat neglected this blog because of midterms and other distractions. That, and I’ve gotten sucked into the >facebook black hole. Facebook is to North American what >Friendster is to asians. You have to admit, Friendster is very asian. Lol.

So now I have accounts in friendster, multiply (coz of jebbs and les), xanga (coz of jilen), myspace (coz of jilen too lol) and facebook (coz of robbie). I don’t mind maintaining my accounts in certain places compared to my own blog because they have some nifty features. Sure, wordpress has probably launched a couple of tweaks since I last updated, but given my mad work-school schedule, who has time to spare? I mean, I barely play my 360 or my guitar since midterms prep started. But today was the last day of midterms, so I can breathe easy for next few weeks until finals prep starts.

I swear, I will never ever ever take 4 classes again. Ever.

Aside from midterms, the only things I’ve done that are not work and school related was korean bbq with Robbie 2 fridays ago, bowling for bean (jen)’s birthday with meatball (dave), tg (katherine), maaarrrrk (not red belt mark, but Jen’s hs pal), and Robbie, the autoshow with louie and john, and Sarah’s 16th birthday.

Digression 1: last monday, Jen shared with us that Mark wants Katherine. He has vocally expressed this in a voicemail that roughly said “I want to make babies with TG. Actually, rephrase that. I want to the process of making babies with TG without actually making a baby.” Nice. Smooth one, Mark. Robbie found Mark’s statement flattering. Sheesh. Men.

Digression 2: I’ve been trying to upload the pics from the autoshow up on my blog but the web hosting’s being weird. I’ve uploaded it instead on facebook since it has this nifty image uploader that lets you upload a max of 60 images at a time. Way cool, esp for impatient people like me. But I just realized the only people who can see those pics are people who have facebook accounts. I guess I’ll still have to upload it here.

My friends and I went to the autoshow, just to check out the wicked cars and potentially find one that’s within my budget. The car’s been ailing for the last month and seems close to retirement. Given the amount of debts, free flowing cash and loans I have, I certainly can’t afford an expensive car. So I was checking out the compacts and small-sized cars. I can’t afford a mid-size similar to my Altima. You gotta make do with what you can, right?

Digression 3: Last week, I ordered some earphones from audiocubes. Alan gave me Bose in-ears for Christmas. The sound was good and it was comfortable as long as it stayed put in my ear, which it didn’t.

I have odd big earcanals, so I always end up using the big plugs. But even with the biggest plugs on the boss, it just kept falling. Plus the comfy silicon falls off easily. Trying to find silicon ear pieces in snow is way too stressful for me, so I opted to buy Sony in-ears and these Panasonic piano-painted headphones for winter so it can keep my ears warm too. I planned to get these in light blue but clumsy me ordered the light browns. I was thinking of returning it when I realized it suited my ipod quite nicely, so I’m happy. I’ve uploaded actions shots of me unboxing my earphones.

Congrats to que amiga margaux angelica abella aka jebbs! Happy 5th anniversary too!

I dread the thought of wearing dismal green, but for you I’ll wear it. Because it’s you. *BIG HUGS*

Hmm… I can deal with the white kimono, but not a green kimono. After all, nice kimonos are expensive.

And I might not be able to suffer through the weird looks. I mean Toronto’s quite liberal compared to the folks back home.

Waahh, all this love floating around is making me happy too. Happiness breeds happiness! Yay!

Congratulations to Abs and Mhe’s engagement! Finally! After all these years, Abi has conceded. Lol.

I can finally wear my kimono.

So where’s the party?

I looked out the window today. I saw nothing but white.

Puzzled, I moved to a different part of my window. Again, whiteness. Then I realized the bottom half of my window was covered with snow. So I stood on top of my bed and peered out.

Snow. Lots of it.

For those in the T.O., stay warm. And if I can’t give you hugs today, here’s something to make your valentine’s just a bit better.

I hope the trio get home safely. Lots of hugs for them as soon as they get back from NY!

I’ve been pondering about how I should write about my friend, Hochi. Sometimes even I am at a loss for words. I can’t seem to find the right words that would justify or define properly Hochi or anything related to her for that matter.

Hochi is a wonderful girl I met through work. She does flash animation for the company I work for. She also does work for other people. If you look under the definition of ‘workaholic’ you would see her picture. One time, she held four jobs. Four freaking jobs. I have no idea how she manages to work so much and still spend time with her 9 year old daughter, Jojo.

Last year, I shared with her the demise of my relationship with whom-shall-not-be-named. At that time, Hochi recently got married for the 2nd time, and her husband was from the US. He hasn’t moved to Canada because he was trying to gain custody of his daughter from a previous marriage. Because she lives and works here, Hochi visits every month to spend some quality time.

That was until October last year, when she got served with divorce papers. The horror of a demise similar to mine that I tried to assure her was unlikely to happen, happened. What do I know right? I got blind-sided, but I didn’t want to plant seeds of doubt in her. But unwelcomed things happen, and even the kindest people are not spared.

In a sad way, I could relate to what she was going through. The self-destruction. The infinitely plummeting self-esteem. The doubts. The what-ifs and could-haves. The inability to sleep or eat, yet ability to plow through work like a madman. The myriad of emotions and ironic numbmess that ebbs and flows. I’ve been there yet there were times I felt helpless because no matter what I do there are some things I can’t save her from.

It’s part selfishness trying to silence that voice that says “you could’ve done more“.

Last time I saw Hochi, she looks like she’s been having better days. And there’s a reason why.

I don’t know how she does it, but she’s managed to get back on her feet, and somehow mustered the courage to keep trying, to keep looking for the person meant for her. I can’t even muster the energy to bring my guard down and meet new people, but she relentlessly goes in the wild and tries again. And I fear she might be driving blind, because the last thing I wanted to see was her hurting again.

A few days ago, Hochi shared with me the news that she’s found her light. Mixed feelings surged, but she’s sharing her joys to me as a friend. Not as a critique or a parent but as a friend. And as a friend, I can only be supportive. God knows there’s probably an entire battalion trying to persuade her that her decisions will be proven disastrous. The best thing I could do is be there for her.

So, congratulations Hochi! She’s going to give the thing called marriage another try. Also, pretty soon Jojo will be an elder sister. I truly wish that Hochi finds happiness and that finally, she’s met her big ‘O’.

(Belated) Happy Birthday Jebbs! 1 year, 17 days to go!

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I haven’t blogged in a while because (1) internet was down at work since friday and officially went up yesterday, (2) my website hosting was being wonky, (3) i had an official day off last tuesday and just couldn’t be bothered.

I had so many thoughts running through my head the past few days that trying to recall them all right now seems pointless. Because the moment has passed, and those moments were important. I’ll get around to them one of these days.

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I finally caught up to my Fruits Basket reading. Yes, I’ve been so busy I couldn’t even keep up with the scanlations of my fave shoujo manga.

Furuba is really special to me. It’s one of those reads that given the right mood and atmosphere, can be enlightening. And enlightenment I got after shedding buckets and buckets of tears.

I could relate to all the characters. Tohru’s fretful nature. Yuki’s tightly closed lid. Kyo’s clumsy-ness and density. Even Hatori’s kindness and Shigure’s twisted affection. Ayame’s dream to create. Momiji’s foolish traveler. Haru’s empathy. Kagura’s passion. Isuzu’s insecurities. Akito’s fear of being left behind. And yes, even the yankee, the denpa waves, and the get-togethers in front of a grave.

I am them, and at the same time I am not.

In the end, I had cried a year’s worth of tear, said/typed what I held on for so long, and have come to terms with murmurs I tried to ignore. I’ve accepted that I will not be ok all the time, but in time I will be. I will have bad days, but I will also have almost-perfect ones.

Even I will be free from the bond. Even the banquet’s curse had an end.

I don’t know if that really made sense. Maybe it did, maybe it didn’t.

Read the manga.

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I had an official day off last tuesday. I spent the day working a bit (so much for a day off), talking to Maan on the phone, watching 24 on the PVR, working out and swimming at the gym, and finally ended it with a quick browse at Grand and Toy, and Shoppers before heading to class.

When I got to class, what greeted me were 8 people playing Mario Kart on their DSes. It would’ve been cool if I got to play with them, but I had my PSP on me instead of the DS. It’s comforting to know that I actually belong in my DB class.

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The trio got a Wii from craigslist and I was over at their place last saturday. The Wii is tiring but a lot of fun. My camera can barely keep up with the dd #2’s wild punches.

Which one’s my Mii? Lol. These are just adorable. Makes me want to get a Wii.